Set Free From Complaining
There are few things more universal than complaining. Think about it. Have you complained today? I'm sure I have.
Almost everyone complains about something each day. Traffic, weather, health, coworkers, you name it. Human beings are really good at finding things to complain about. Not to mention, some things are really fun to complain about, like other people.
What is complaining?
Complaining is basically the expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance with circumstances, situations, people, or outcomes. When we complain, we might be venting, expressing a grievance, demonstrating frustration, or lamenting.
Complaining leaves us with an "I Deserve" mentality. We complain because we feel entitled. What leads us to feeling entitled? What leads us to feeling like we deserve better? We demand satisfaction!
This Psychology Today article mentions that there are chronic complainers (we all know some, or maybe we are one!) who consistently tend toward a negative mindset. There are the venters, who are more prone to expressing emotional dissatisfaction. Venters typically desire attention and validation -- they want to be heard.
Where do we see complaining?
Complaining is all around us. Sometimes it can be a link between our shared humanity. Think about an awkward elevator ride with a stranger where we can say, "Some crappy weather, huh?"
Complaining runs rampant in workplaces, schools, churches, families, and friend groups. For example, I've been in workplaces where complaining was the daily norm, almost an unspoken expectation.
Perhaps more than all of those, we see complaining run rampant on social media. Having a keyboard at our fingertips all hours of the day will naturally result in much more public complaining.
What does complaining do?
Complaining does quite a few things to us, so I will list them and hopefully the list will resonate with different readers in different ways but prove edifying to us all.Complaining...
- feels good. Oftentimes, complaining feels like vindication or release. It can even build camaraderie, although it might be the unhealthy kind, based on negativity or mutual disdain, instead of healthy reasons like shared experiences or interests. Chronic complainers and negative people will tend to draw others into their mindset, or eventually surround themselves with likeminded complainers. This happens at a neurological level. We can actually train our brains to respond to situations regularly with negativity! Here's a question: Who is in your core group of friends/family/coworkers? Are you all a bunch of complainers? Seriously, are you?
- tends to avoid actively seeking solutions. Complaining can impede action because complaining often can result in a shifting of blame. "The real problem isn't with me, but with ___________." Complaining results in us saying, "If only _______," instead of "I should _____." Complaining often means a displacement of responsibility that can keep us from taking action on something that is within our control.
- increases our self-righteousness. Have you ever noticed that we complain about people that we think we are better than? We typically complain about people who block us from some goal, act or think differently than we do, or aren't as successful as we see ourselves to be. Complaining is a way to subtly say (without saying), "I'm better than that person." I've seen in schools, teachers complaining about parents, to essentially make the point that "the parent isn't a good parent, because if they were, they'd raise their kids in the ways I would." We love to complain about our bosses, ultimately implying that we'd do a better job. We complain about those who work the other shifts at our jobs. Beneath the surface, we believe we are better than they are, which is why we are so good at pointing out all of their faults.
- focuses on what we lack, instead of what we have. If complaining is primarily expressing dissatisfaction, then each time we complain, we are expressing frustration at a lack of something in our lives. Complaining clouds our perspective. We can't see all of the great things that we have (things to be grateful for) because we are so zoomed in on the things we don't have. This is why complainers tend to be unhappy, unsatisfied, and unmotivated. They can't stop thinking about all that they lack and all that they deserve. In that sense, complainers are naturally ungrateful people.
- changes us physiologically. Complaining has physical consequences. This Inc.Com article highlights some of the impact of negative mindsets and the main cause: "The culprit is the stress hormone cortisol. When you're negative, you release it, and elevated levels of the stuff, "interfere with learning and memory, lower immune function and bone density, increase weight gain, blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease.... " Chronic complaining and chronic negativity cause chronic health problems.
Stopping complaining can have a massive impact on our physical and mental health. Stopping complaining changes our whole perspective. Imagine being thankful for everyday. Imagine not letting traffic or car troubles or coworkers steal your joy. Think about people you know who consistently complain - what do you do when you see them?
- Picture no complaining at your family gatherings.
- Picture no complaining each day at work.
- Picture not complaining about your spouse or significant other behind their back.
- Picture not complaining about your family, your coworkers, your kids.
- Picture never complaining about the news, the weather, or other people on social media.
What would that do to your mentality? To your relationships? To your life?
We could all use a quit complaining nicotine patch to keep us from this ugly and destructive habit.
Which leads us to ask, how do we fight complaining?
At this point in the post, I have a confession to make. I am a master complainer. If there was an annual competition for ability to complain, I could make the Final Four. I can complain with the best of them. Packers, people, work, time, health, you name it and I can complain it. I spent most of my 20s complaining, feeling slighted, feeling shorted, feeling frustrated, and believing I was overlooked and under-appreciated. So I've spent some time complaining and I've spent a lot of time considering how to fight complaining.
The obvious antidote to complaining is gratitude. I've written before about gratitude, and cultivating an attitude of gratitude (because Thanksgiving doesn't have to be the only time we give thanks).
Being thankful for life and what it offers is the opposite of dissatisfaction and frustration. Being thankful for people puts self-righteousness to shame. Being grateful each day helps us to focus on the good we have, instead of what we may lack. All gratitude is rooted in God and His goodness in provision. All complaining is ultimately rooted in frustration with what God is giving, providing, or doing.
In meditating on this concept of all thankfulness and complaining ultimately being echoed out to God, I came across this passage in Isaiah 53 in a whole new light that I think can help us tap into the fight against complaining with true power.
Isaiah 53
Who has believed what he has heard from us?And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
yet he opened not his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was taken away;
and as for his generation, who considered
that he was cut off out of the land of the living,
stricken for the transgression of my people?
And they made his grave with the wicked
and with a rich man in his death,
although he had done no violence,
and there was no deceit in his mouth.
Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him;
he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt,
he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
make many to be accounted righteous,
and he shall bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many,
and he shall divide the spoil with the strong,
because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors.
On this passage I will make two points that will show how we can be set free from complaining:
1. Jesus gets what we deserve, and we get what he deserves.
Why is this passage relevant to the battle against complaining, especially as it pertains to the part that I highlighted?
The story of the Bible (and the history of the world) bashes us over the head like a frying pan with the unfortunate reality that we are sinners. We are sinful, down to our hearts and desires. We reject God, and we reject walking in His ways. We turn and worship other things like money, sex, power, control, alcohol, and vanity. Don't believe me? Read comment sections online and tell me we aren't sinners. Or think about how you react when someone cuts you off in traffic?
Now, as sinners, we deserve to be punished. We all throw our stones of sin into the lake, and the ripple effects impact this world in countless ways. We all cause hurt, choose selfishness, speak lies, demean others, and all kinds of other things that contribute to this fallen world that we live in.
In order for God to be good, he must punish sin. Would there be order or justice if a murder was allowed to walk free? A penalty must be paid for justice to take place.
This is where the story of the Bible takes a remarkable turn, as we see in Isaiah 53. God does not bring down His just and good wrath (punishment) on us as sinners. God sends His Son to bear the weight of wrath upon the cross. And Jesus willingly lays down his life.
Jesus becomes the blood sacrifice that atones for our sin, and frees us from the power of sin. Jesus does this by being the unblemished, untainted sacrifice who freely offers himself to the just God. Jesus becomes sin for us, so that we can become like Jesus.
How does he do this?
He opens not his mouth. Jesus willingly steps in front of us, and takes our sin and death with him to the cross. Jesus pays our penalty. Jesus throws his pure stone into the lake, and his goodness begins to cleanse us of all sin. Jesus does all of this, fulfilling the glorious eternal plan, to redeem sinners like you and me. And he does it without complaining.
Jesus is the only righteous man. Jesus is the only one who ever had a case to plead before God. And Jesus willingly goes to the cross. What power! Let us consider these verses afresh, as we think about the role complaining has in our lives. Let us meditate on the will and faith of our Lord Jesus as he perfectly trusts and submits his will to the Father:
He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
yet he opened not his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth.
But the story doesn't end there! Jesus is vindicated, and because of him we can be too.
Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied;
by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
make many to be accounted righteous,
and he shall bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many,
and he shall divide the spoil with the strong,
because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors.
We are those sinners whom Jesus has interceded for. We are those sinners whom Jesus was numbered among. We are those sinners. Jesus has borne our sin, and he shares his spoil with us. Jesus was raised from the dead, vindicated as righteous, and delivered by the God whom he trusts.
By the knowledge of Christ we shall be made righteous. We can be righteous, acquitted, adopted because of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. His spoil can be ours. His riches, his vindication, his Holy Spirit becomes ours. How? By the knowledge of him, which shows itself in simple faith.
This is free grace, people. You can buy without price. We aren't saved because of what we did do (obedience) or what we don't do (sin), but because of the grace of God in Christ Jesus.
Forgiveness of sins, vindication before God, righteousness, the Holy Spirit, strength, hope, and eternal life are just on the other side of saying "Yes!" to this offer. God is holding out the offer, the gift of grace. We simply need to receive it, by receiving Jesus as Savior and LORD.
Do you see yourself as a sinner in need of a Savior? Put your faith in Christ.
We can have all of Jesus for all of our lives and eternity, and all we have to do is say, "Yes! I want in on this!"
*NOTE: This isn't just some therapeutic fix your problems post. Jesus is the prize, not a better life with no complaining. This is why people sing and thank God at Christian's funerals. It is life-transforming grace, supernatural God-in-you power from above that makes us singers of Jesus' praises.
2. Grace empowers gratitude and puts complaining to death.
When we see that we have been set free from sin and death, we are compelled to put complaining to death. |
| Here Lies Dissatisfaction. |
How does grace empower gratitude?
As we come to deeply grasp the beauty of the gospel (which we see in Isaiah 53), we CAN'T HELP but RESPOND with songs of thankfulness and praise.
Gratitude leads us to hate our self-righteousness
Gratitude leads us to have a growth mindset, rooted in hope. Hope is undefeated. You cannot ruin someone's life when they have hope in God. Hope is powerful, and hope keeps us moving forward in the face of any adversity.
Gratitude feels better than complaining. It just does. When is the last time you whistled?
Gratitude focuses on what we have been blessed with (not with what we lack). I cannot tell you how powerful it is to pause and look around and be ridiculously happy with what you have. You become the classic illustration of the woman with a loaf of bread and a cup of water saying, "All this and Jesus!" This is why I love driving my dream car - a 2001 Toyota Camry. Not because its the best car, but because God in his kindness and provision has given it to me!
Gratitude rewires our thinking to see hopeful, positive, beautiful outcomes. We've already received the best outcome - eternal life and a restored relationship with God! Who doesn't want to have a new mindset and a new, healthier perspective on life?
We can be grateful people not grumblers because of what Jesus has done for us, is doing for us, and will bring to completion within us and for us.
God's people sing!
Here are some closing questions for consideration:
- How often do you complain?
- What do you complain most about?
- What is the thing you feel you lack, or deserve?
- Have you experienced the grace of God in Christ Jesus?
- How can you know more fully what Jesus has done, is doing, and will do for you?
- How often do you thank God?
- What can you thank God for, right now? This week? This year?
Comments
Post a Comment