The Best Husband
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck." (Joke from the internet)
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The husband in the joke above is obviously not winning the "Husband of the Year" award. I wonder what categories that kind of award would be based on. Would the husband of the year be given to the most handsome husband? The most helpful? The most wealthy husband? What criteria would the judges use to determine what makes a man the best husband?
Let's look at what the Bible says about being a husband:
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
(Ephesians 5:22-31 ESV)
Important definition: The Church is the cosmic mystical body of Christ that contains in it all the individual believers in Jesus Christ past, present, and future. The Church is the "Bride of Christ."
God - Christ(Church) - Husband(Wife)
So here is what we learn from the beginning of the passage:
Christ is the head of the Church. He is Lord and Savior of the Church. We in the body of Christ enjoy a mystical union with him that is the archetype for the mystical "one flesh" union of human marriage. In that one flesh marriage union, the husband is the "head" of his wife, as Christ is the head of the Church. As the "head" of his wife, the husband should be like Christ in the way that he loved the church and gave himself up for her. So we must ask two questions and then apply the information to how we approach our role as husbands or future husbands.
1) Why is Christ the head of the church?
2) What does Christ do as the head of the church?
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1) Why is Christ the Head of the Church?
To understand why Christ is above all things in the Church, I would like to look at a selection of Scripture that we had read aloud at our wedding.
Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:5-11 ESV)
First, Christ is the head of the Church because he emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant.
Jesus did not consider his glory from eternity past, but gave it up. He emptied himself. Jesus took the form of a servant because of his deep love for God and out of his deep affection for his would-be-bride, the Church. The king became a peasant who served others for their sake. Because of his servant-hearted, selfless, others-focused life, Jesus proved himself worthy to be the Head of the Church. He is worthy to be first and preeminent in all matters pertaining to the Church.
Second, Christ is the head of the Church because he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Jesus literally gave up everything to sanctify his Church. He gave it all, the whole of his existence for the sake of his Church. He did this in obedience to God the Father. The obedience of Christ extended to his entire life, to the point of death, even the most gruesome death - death on a cross. This obedience was due to his love for God. "If you love me you will keep my commandments." (John 14:15) His obedience was also motivated by his love for his Church. He gave himself up for the sake of his Church, so that he might cleanse her, purify her, present her fully glorified to himself without spot or wrinkle or any blemish. Jesus gave up his life so that his body would be holy, blameless, spotless. We as the Church are holy and blameless.
Christ endured everything for the sake of his bride! His bride comes first!
Jesus did all these things because of his love for God and his love for his bride, the Church.
If God is first in your life, your wife will inevitably be first in all aspects of your marriage.
Our obedience to God is central to our capability to be the "head" of our marriage. When we are obediently submitting to word of Christ we are able to joyfully give ourselves up for our wives' sake. A right relationship with the Lord means a right relationship with the Mrs.
Lastly, God gave Jesus the place of highest honor. Jesus proved himself worthy of all honor, power and dominion because of his sacrificial, self-giving love and humble obedience. Above all, Jesus put God first and subsequently was able to put his bride first.
The areas of our lives that we don't put God first will be the areas of our lives where our selfishness and sin will overpower our love for our bride. Our relationship with Jesus is the key to our relationship with our wives.
2) What does Jesus do as Head of the Church?
Ephesians 5 tells us that Jesus "nourishes" and "cherishes" his body, his bride, the Church in the way that a husband should. Let's look at these concepts.
1. Jesus nourishes his bride
Jesus invites and includes his bride in his life. Jesus speaks the true word he has heard from God the Father. "Whoever has seen me has seen the Father." (John 14:9b) "He is the image of the invisible God." (Colossians 1:15a) Jesus fully manifests God to his Church. He brings us as his bride to spiritual maturity because he is connected to the Father. In the same way the husband who is connected to Christ is the one who leads his wife to spiritual maturity. The husband who is a branch on the Vine of Christ will be a nourishing husband in regard to his wife's spiritual life. Let us be the kind of husbands who bring out the beauty of our wives!
"Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:3-5 ESV)
2. Jesus cherishes his bride
The word for cherishes used to describe Christ's cherishing love for his Church means, to love with the warm tender care of a mother with child. Jesus holds us close and loves us with the dear affection of a mother with her newborn at her breast. What a vision of his love!
What are some ways that Christ cherishes us?
Jesus is never harsh. (Consider the lasting unbelief of the early disciples before his resurrection!)
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:19 ESV)
Jesus is always faithful.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9 ESV)
Jesus sets his wife apart from other women.
As a lily among brambles,
so is my love among the young women. (Song of Solomon 2:2 ESV)
Jesus lives in an understanding way and is always showing honor to his bride.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7 ESV)
The hope for all of us to be the best husband we can be is for us to be connected to Christ in our daily lives. Jesus has to be our first love! When Jesus is our first love we will be able to love our wives like he loves his bride, the Church.
We are to be imitators of Christ's love in our marriages. We are not to be harsh but to be faithful to our wives. We are to set our wives apart and show them the highest honor. We are to live openly with our wives as we also seek to understand them. We are to delight in our bride! Who doesn't want his wife to be a well-loved woman?
The way to love our wives well is to abide in the love of Christ. It is a day to day thing. Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." We are to be imitators of God and seek to love our wives as ourselves every day, the way that Jesus loves us every day.
What kind of husband do you aspire to be?
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